The Importance and Methodology of Tarbiyah<br />(Education & Upbringing)<Tarbiyah in Islam is very important, for indeed all of the Deen is based upon tarbiyah (i.e. the education and upbringing of the people). This starts first of all with the education and training of our own selves, then of our families, and then of the community at large. But this tarbiyah is most important with respect to our children, so that they are brought up upon the correct path of Islam. Because of this, many of the scholars take care in discussing this aspect of tarbiyah more so than the others.<br /><br />After the benefit of al-Islam and our very creation, from the best of benefits is that of having children. We see their benefits both in this world and after we have passed to the next. As for the benefits in this world - when a person becomes old and unable to earn a livelihood, all of his friends and companions leave him alone and it is his children who look after and care for him, bearing his problems and burdens. As for after his death, then a person benefits from his children as the Prophet said: "When the son of Adam passes away, all of his deeds are stopped except for three. Some kind of charity that is continuous, or knowledge which the people are benefiting from, or a righteous child who is praying for him."<br /><br />Also from the benefits of having children is that if they were to pass away whilst still children, they will intercede for their parents. This is authentically reported from the Prophet , who said: "There is no Muslim individual, male or female, who has three of his children pass away whilst they are young and he is patient with that, except that they will come and intercede for him on the Day of Judgment." So 'Umar asked, 'What about two [children]?' Upon this the Prophet said, "It is the same for two [children]." (Al-Bazzaar, al-Haakim. Sh. al-Albaanee mentions it in his book, Kitaabul-Janaa-iz)<br /><br />As for the person who has one child who passes away and he is patient with this, seeking his reward from Allah , then he shall also find a great reward with Him. As in a hadeeth wherein it is reported that the Prophet used to sit down in his sitting place and his companions would sit in front of him to seek benefit and learn from him. From amongst them was a man who had a small boy; he used to come to the Prophet from behind his back by way of respect, then he used to sit in front of him and sit his son in front of the Prophet . The Prophet asked, "Do you love this child of yours?" The man replied, "Yes, and may Allah cause you to love him also." Then it happened that this child passed away, and the man was so sad that he used to refrain from coming to sit with the Prophet . So the Prophet asked his companions about this man saying, "Why is it that he no longer comes to my sitting place?" And this was from the Sunnah of the Prophet , that if he had people who would come to him and then stop coming, he would ask about their condition and their affairs. So the companions told him that the man's son had passed away and that he was sad because of that. So the Prophet went to meet this man and asked him, "What has happened to your son?" And the man told him that he had passed away. So the Prophet said, "Do you wish that your son could be here with you spending time with you, or do you prefer that your son would reach Paradise before you, waiting at the Doors of Paradise to open them for you?" So the man said, "O Messenger of Allah. I wish that my son would go forth before me and precede me to Paradise." So the Prophet said to him, "Verily, this is for you." So upon this, one of the companions said, "O Messenger of Allah, may I be sacrificed for your sake! Is this (reward) only for this man or is it for all of the people?" He said, "No, this reward is for all of the people (i.e. those who lose a child and are patient with their loss)." (Al-Haakim. Adh-Dhahabee declared it Saheeh as did Sh. Al-Albaanee)<br /><br />Also from the benefits of having children is that if one has daughters and is patient with them, bringing them up correctly, then for him is a great reward from Allah. Our mother Aa'ishah said, "A woman with two daughters and who was very poor came to my door requesting charity. All I had was three dates, so I gave them to this woman and her two daughters. The woman gave a date to each of her daughters and kept the third date for herself. But when the two daughters had finished their dates, they both looked up to their mother wanting the date which she had. So she felt mercy for her two daughters and split the date into two halves, she gave a half to each of her daughters and then she went away. When the Prophet came back I informed him about what had happened. He said, 'Anyone who has daughters and is good in bringing them up, then they will be as a barrier between him and the Hell-Fire'." (Bukhari & Muslim)<br /><br />It is obligatory for the parents to take care of their children as the responsibility for them is upon their shoulders. As the Prophet said, "All of you are shepherds and will are responsible for his flock." Unfortunately, many of the people look down upon this affair of bringing up the children correctly and consider it as a small matter and unimportant, instead busying themselves which affairs such as politics and those things which it may be beyond their ability to reach. They look to those things which are seen as more important and so look down upon the affair of raising their children correctly. In this, they are mistaken, as whoever the Imam or the leader of the believers may be, even if he was the most righteous of all righteous people and the most just of all rulers, if a person does not take care of their own affairs then no-one else is going to come into their house and look after their children for them. And if this Imam was the worst of all the people, yet a person was to take care of their own family as is his responsibility, then how is his harm and his condition going to affect that person? Allah says,<br /><br />"Verily! Allah will not change the good condition of a people as long as they do not change their state of goodness themselves." [Qur'an Ra'd 13:11]<br /><br />So it is upon us to change our own condition and the condition of our own families, and then to look to the condition of our communities and the community of the Muslims at large. For if we were to neglect this responsibility then we would never achieve the correct tarbiyah - training, upbringing and education - of our societies.<br /><br />Indeed the Book of Allah (Qur'an) and the Sunnah of the Prophet encourage us to bring up our children correctly; ordering us with righteousness and good conduct ourselves as well as ordering us to prevent our families from falling into that which would result in their own destruction. As Allah says,<br /><br />"O you who believe! Ward off from yourselves and your families a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones." [Qur'an Tahrim 66:6]<br /><br />And He says,<br /><br />"And enjoin Prayer on your family, and be patient in offering them (i.e. the Prayers)." [Qur'an Ta-Ha 20:132]<br /><br />The Prophet said, "Order your children with Salah when they are seven years old, and beat them upon it (i.e. force them to do so by hitting them) when they are ten years old, and (also) separate them in their sleeping place." So by the preceding Ayat and hadeeth, Allah and the Prophet teach the believers about the importance of Salah and worship, and also in the hadeeth the Prophet is teaching his Ummah about how to live this life free from all types of doubts and misconceptions, by avoiding those places and situations where such doubts and misconceptions may arise. So the order is that one should raise one's children upon the most blessed and praiseworthy of characteristics.<br /><br />So what follows are some practical steps in bringing up the family correctly.<br /><br />Seeking Righteous Children<br /><br />When an individual wants to get married, they should have the intention to have - and ask Allah to give them - righteous children. They should be patient upon this and seek their children with the correct intention i.e. to increase the number of the Prophet's Ummah, and seek Allah's reward in this life and the Hereafter by way of his children. As the Prophet said, "Marry those women who are loving and fertile, for verily I want to be amongst those (Prophets) who have the most followers on the Day of Judgement." So when a person gets married he should seek children with the intention to have many children which will go towards making up the Ummah of the Prophet and that these children may become righteous slaves of Allah so that he may benefit from them in this world and the Hereafter. This is because the intention has a special and important place with regard to the outcome, as the Prophet said, "Verily, every action is by its intention." So if one
